Splicing Obama’s Speech Before He Delivers It

Thanks to the magic of the Internet (and, of course, Al Gore) I can analyze and translate parts Obama’s superspectacular, extraimagical, awesomentastical speech before it emanates from his luscious, honeyed tongue.


Four years ago, I stood before you and told you my story – of the brief union between a young man from Kenya and a young woman from Kansas who weren’t well-off or well-known, but shared a belief that in America, their son could achieve whatever he put his mind to.

Really?  Then why were you raised in Indonesia?

It is that promise that has always set this country apart – that through hard work and sacrifice, each of us can pursue our individual dreams but still come together as one American family, to ensure that the next generation can pursue their dreams as well.

Well, now there’s a pickup line…”Hey baby…you wanna ensure that the next generation can pursue their dreams?”

It is why I stand here tonight. Because for two hundred and thirty two years, at each moment when that promise was in jeopardy, ordinary men and women – students and soldiers, farmers and teachers, nurses and janitors — found the courage to keep it alive.

Keep the dream alive…by mopping the floor.  By the way…the end of this excerpt sounds disturbingly familiar to a line from my high school graduation speech.  I call hijinks!

We meet at one of those defining moments – a moment when our nation is at war, our economy is in turmoil, and the American promise has been threatened once more. 

Never mind that pesky economic growth this quarter.  What is this threat against “the American promise” anyway?  

Tonight, more Americans are out of work and more are working harder for less. More of you have lost your homes and more are watching your home values plummet. More of you have cars you can’t afford to drive, credit card bills you can’t afford to pay and tuition that is beyond your reach.

I feel your pain…from the wine cellar of my multi-million-dollar mansion that I got for a steal!  

Sorry you guys all leased cars you knew you couldn’t afford and bought things you knew you couldn’t pay for.

These challenges are not all of government’s making. But the failure to respond is a direct result of a broken politics in Washington and the failed presidency of George W. Bush. 

Yes, of course.  It’s Bush’s fault that you all bought houses, cars, clothes, and things you couldn’t afford with money you didn’t have.

America, we are better than these last eight years. We are a better country than this.

Shame on you students who worked endless nights to graduate, soldiers who fought for our freedom, farmers who did backbreaking work in the fields, teachers who found faith in apathy, nurses who saved lives, and janitors who mopped acres of floors with Pine Sol.  It’s all your fault!  Especially if you elected Bush.  Children, this is known as condescension.

This moment – this election – is our chance to keep, in the 21st century, the American promise alive. Because next week, in Minnesota, the same party that brought you two terms of George Bush and Dick Cheney will ask this country for a third. And we are here because we love this country too much to let the next four years look just like the last eight. On November 4th, we must stand up and say: “Eight is enough.” 

“Chance to keep” (2008) = “Charge to keep” (2000)…Did Obama jut plagiarize…Bush ?

This is a nice way of saying that you must hate America if you vote for McCain.  Which is ludicrous, especially coming from Obama.

Doesn’t Obama realize that “Eight Is Enough” was one of the few hour-long TV shows to use a laugh track?  Just listen to the amplified acoustics when he delivers this line.

Now let there be no doubt. The Republican nominee, John McCain, has worn the uniform of our country with bravery and distinction, and for that we owe him our gratitude and respect. And next week, we’ll also hear about those occasions when he’s broken with his party as evidence that he can deliver the change that we need. 

Uhhh…he didn’t just wear the uniform…he nearly DIED for it!  But shhh…let’s keep that under wraps.

But the record’s clear: John McCain has voted with George Bush ninety percent of the time. Senator McCain likes to talk about judgment, but really, what does it say about your judgment when you think George Bush was right more than ninety percent of the time? I don’t know about you, but I’m not ready to take a ten percent chance on change.

I have yet to hear this statistic about “McCain voting with Bush 90% of the time,” but he keeps saying it so much that, as the saying goes, it became the truth.  

And how dare Sen. Obama implicitly question my judgment!  I believe that President Bush has been right 90% of the time.  So much for attracting independents.

You see, we Democrats have a very different measure of what constitutes progress in this country. 

Yes, it’s known as the Federal Government.  And we have seen how spectacularly that system works.

We measure progress by how many people can find a job that pays the mortgage; whether you can put away a little extra money at the end of each month so that you can someday watch your child receive her diploma. We measure progress in the 23 million new jobs that were created when Bill Clinton was President – when the average American family saw its income go up $7,500 instead of down $2,000 like it has under George Bush. 

Once again, another empty, floating statistic.  Apparently they don’t measure progress by GDP.  They measure jobs by unemployment levels…which were exacerbated by the increases in the minimum wage that they passed.  Apparently, by their own measure, they have epically failed.  

We measure the strength of our economy not by the number of billionaires we have or the profits of the Fortune 500, but by whether someone with a good idea can take a risk and start a business, or whether the waitress who lives on tips can take a day off to look after a sick kid without losing her job – an economy that honors the dignity of work.

No economist in their right mind measures the strength of the economy solely on the number of billionaires or Fortune 500 profits.  And since when were you all so pro-small-business anyway?  According to your logic, let’s raise the taxes on small businesses, so we can make them take an even greater risk, so they can be unemployed, and then we can raise the minimum wage, so we can damage our best and brightest just a little more!

The fundamentals we use to measure economic strength are whether we are living up to that fundamental promise that has made this country great – a promise that is the only reason I am standing here tonight.

Here we go with the ethereal “promises” again.  The only promises that the Democrats have given us are broken promises.

Change means a tax code that doesn’t reward the lobbyists who wrote it, but the American workers and small businesses who deserve it. 

Here we go with the small businesses again.  I guess Obama is once again following the logic of saying something enough times to obfuscate the true nature of your beliefs and policies about it.

Unlike John McCain, I will stop giving tax breaks to corporations that ship our jobs overseas, and I will start giving them to companies that create good jobs right here in America.

Income redistribution under the guise of blind nationalism.  Brilliant.  

What about a small business that happens to partially use some overseas labor, like the fantastic new TV company Vizio based in Irvine, CA, that has based their success on being able to use less-expensive labor to make a better product than competitors, like Sony?  How about the CEO of Vizio, William Wang, who immigrated here from Taiwan at the age of 14…should we throw him and his livelihood under the hopenchaginess bus too?  There we go again…”helping” those small businesses.

I will eliminate capital gains taxes for the small businesses and the start-ups that will create the high-wage, high-tech jobs of tomorrow.

I can tell when I’m being yanked.  This is one of those times.  

Not to mention the fact that all of this investment in “high-tech” leaves behind the unskilled workers you are so deftly trying to court with Biden.

I will cut taxes – cut taxes – for 95% of all working families. Because in an economy like this, the last thing we should do is raise taxes on the middle-class. 

I’ll believe it when I see it.  The fact that you have to repeat something twice makes me wonder just how sincere you were the first time you said it.  Not to mention…what about that poor, neglected, 5% of working families that you plan on ignoring?

And for the sake of our economy, our security, and the future of our planet, I will set a clear goal as President: in ten years, we will finally end our dependence on oil from the Middle East. 

You can set as many “clear goal[s]” as you want…it doesn’t mean you can make it a reality.  And frankly, sir, I haven’t seen you display the ability to reach this goal in the first place.

Washington has been talking about our oil addiction for the last thirty years, and John McCain has been there for twenty-six of them. In that time, he’s said no to higher fuel-efficiency standards for cars, no to investments in renewable energy, no to renewable fuels. And today, we import triple the amount of oil as the day that Senator McCain took office. 

Yes of course.  The same old tactic of blaming the entire energy crisis on one man.  Except this time it surprisingly isn’t Bush.  And, apparently, because McCain said that there’s no need to pressure the already hurting auto companies who are already being blindsided by tyrannical, overarching, liberal unions, we should just blame him anyway for not telling them to fire more workers just to make a profit.  Economic naivete rears its ugly head again.

Now is the time to end this addiction, and to understand that drilling is a stop-gap measure, not a long-term solution. Not even close. 

Nobody ever called it a long-term solution.  They called it a short-term solution.  And for a man of such solutions, in a crisis that requires solutions, his solutions certainly aren’t solvent.

As President, I will tap our natural gas reserves, invest in clean coal technology, and find ways to safely harness nuclear power. I’ll help our auto companies re-tool, so that the fuel-efficient cars of the future are built right here in America. I’ll make it easier for the American people to afford these new cars. And I’ll invest $150 billion over the next decade in affordable, renewable sources of energy – wind power and solar power and the next generation of biofuels; an investment that will lead to new industries and five million new jobs that pay well and can’t ever be outsourced.

How?  With who’s money?  Oh, that’s right.  Ours.  And where is the guarantee that those jobs won’t be outsourced?  Oh, that’s right.  There is no guarantee.  And will you actually “safely harness nuclear power?”  Fat chance.  Empty, empty rhetoric.  

We are the party of Roosevelt. We are the party of Kennedy. So don’t tell me that Democrats won’t defend this country. Don’t tell me that Democrats won’t keep us safe. The Bush-McCain foreign policy has squandered the legacy that generations of Americans — Democrats and Republicans – have built, and we are to restore that legacy. 

By the two examples you cited, you are also the party of adulterers…not to mention Bill-Jeff.  Squandering a legacy?  Isn’t our legacy democracy and liberty?  On the contrary, I think that Bush has helped to extend out legacy to a section of the world that Obama would rather see devolve into animalistic chaos.

As Commander-in-Chief, I will never hesitate to defend this nation, but I will only send our troops into harm’s way with a clear mission and a sacred commitment to give them the equipment they need in battle and the care and benefits they deserve when they come home.

This is in no way different from President Bush.  Where’s the change we can believe in, Sen. Obama?

I will end this war in Iraq responsibly, and finish the fight against al Qaeda and the Taliban in Afghanistan. I will rebuild our military to meet future conflicts. But I will also renew the tough, direct diplomacy that can prevent Iran from obtaining nuclear weapons. I will build new partnerships to defeat the threats of the 21st century: terrorism and nuclear proliferation; poverty and genocide; climate change and disease. And I will restore our moral standing so that America is once more the last, best hope for all who are called to the cause of freedom, who long for lives of peace, and who yearn for a better future.

Define responsibly.  Try to do so without including words like “Rev. Wright” and “Bill Ayers.”  Because if that is responsibility, then I don’t want to see the way you would like to end the War in Iraq, Senator.  

We have seen how brilliantly Iran has responded to our diplomacy…while they continue to enrich uranium.

I am tired of hearing about “restoring America’s moral standing.”  As we have seen time and time again, the only ones that have brought “America’s moral standing” into question are deviants without a “moral standing.”


Frankly, Senator, I’m disappointed.  I gave you a chance.  On the 45th Anniversary of Martin Luther King, Jr.’s “I Have A Dream” speech, I expected you to deliver change I could believe in.  Instead, you offered a nightmare of condescension, obfuscation, and outright dishonesty that I honestly can’t.


5 Responses to “Splicing Obama’s Speech Before He Delivers It”

  1. Would you be interested in exchanging blogrolls links with my site? Please email me if you are interested

  2. This was an interesting ‘analysis’ of Sen. Obama’s acceptance speech. The only real observation I have is that if you truly believe that the Bush administration has been right 90% of the time then you are, by the US government’s own figures, in the top 1.9% of household income earning $250,000 taxable or more per year – in which case it makes sense that you have the attitudes that you do and cannot fathom how the troubles that these whiny, irresponsible, bleeding-heart, lazy liberals are crying in their beer over, could be anything other than their own fault. Preditory lending is a business opportunity to you, not a crime. Let the buyer beware! If they aren’t smart enough to know what they are doing then, screw-em’ they are suckers that deserve what they get. Survival of the fittest. If, however, you are a work-a-day American with a typical family and the obligations that go with it, making at or below $55,000 per year (about the median US household income) and you still think the Bush administration has been right 90% of the time; if, however, you are a family member of a U.S. Military Service Man or Woman that is deployed to Iraq for the 3rd, 4th or 5th time due to ‘stop-loss’ – or the family member of a U.S. Military Service Man or Woman that didn’t make it home, and you still think that the Bush administration has been right 90% of the time; if, however, you are an American that values the Constitution of the United States of America and the liberties that it gaurantees and you still think that the Bush administration has been right 90% of the time, then sir you are simply an idiot. I whole-heartedly disagree with your position(s), but I want you to know that I will defend – with my life – your right to those positions and to publicly voice them. Keep on rockin’ in the free world!

  3. JimiB, very good comment; you have some valid points, specifically on the ‘90% right,’ ‘being in the top 1.9% of households earning 250k annually’ (i.e., not relating to the average-income earning worker), and ‘predatory lending’ comments. Republicans are not noted for their social and economic reforms.

    As stated, I have my problems with Republicanism. But I will not be voting for Senator Obama, and here is why:
    Although Senator Obama’s speech was truly eloquent and inspiring, reminiscent of Dr. Martin Luther King and John F. Kennedy’s oration so many years ago, extemporaneously his responses leave something to be desired; case in point, his remarks at the ‘debate’ with McCain at Saddleback Church in California, when asked when he thinks a baby should be entitled to human rights:

    “Well, uh, you know, I think that whether you’re looking at it from a theological perspective or, uh, a scientific perspective, uh, answering that question with specificity, uh, you know, is, is, uh, above my pay grade.” – Sen. Barack Obama, on “When does a baby get human rights?”

    If it’s above his ‘pay grade’ he should not be running for the highest office in the land.

    But what is more worrisome to me are Sen. Obama’s avoidance of openly discussing his Muslim upbringing in Indonesia & his long-time affiliations with various Islamic and other radical organizations who seem to wish to undermine the heritage and culture of the United States, promote Sharia law in its stead, support terrorism and call for the destruction of Israel. Some of his connections include Bill Ayers (of Weatherman fame), the Rev. Jeremiah Wright, and Project Islamic Hope.
    In this era of the war of Islamofascism against Western civilization – and do not mistake it, we are in a war of survival of our way of life, a war not of our own making – I cannot vote for someone who is not forthright about his own obfuscated past and his current affiliations with supporters of terrorism.
    See just two of my posts on Senator Obama on my blog Tikkun Olam (and click on my links), here and here to understand what concerns me.

    I might use your analysis of Mr. Obama’s speech on my blog, and if I do I will link to yours.

  4. JimiB: Well, I at least appreciated your sentiment at the end.

    -For starters, I love how you have accused me of being in the highest income bracket while knowing absolutely nothing about me.

    -Since when did liberals drink beer?

    -I didn’t say that there wasn’t predatory lending. There always has been and always will be. It’s a given. However, the minority does not refute the majority.

    -I love your drive-by citation of military families without exploring the point of doing so.

    -I can handily estimate that my disagreements with Bush lie in about the 10% range.

    Oh, and by the way, a fact that I wanted to mention earlier:

    Dick Morris said that Obama’s “90%” argument was invalid because 90% of congressional resolutions are on non-controversial issues and pass with sweeping majorities, ie Recognizing Black History Month, honoring the so-and-so baseball team of Somewhere, USA.

  5. Lady-Light:

    “Republicans are not noted for their social and economic reforms.”

    Because “social and economic reforms” amount to “social engineering” and “collectivism”, which you can find in a little place I like to call “North Korea”.

    “If it’s above his ‘pay grade’ he should not be running for the highest office in the land.” Well said.

    I completely agree with your comments about Obama’s connections to shady Islamic organizations. Debbie Schlussel has done a fantastic job of investigating this, and the results are not pretty.

    Thanks for stopping by!

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