Joe Biden’s Speech Liveblog

**BEGIN**

-Congratulates wife, family

-Congratulates a bitter-looking Hillary

-Accepts VP-ship

-the 8 most dreaded words in the English language: “The Vice-President’s office is on the phone.” (wtf? was that supposed to be a joke?)

-Lessons from his deadbeat father, yada yada yada

-I feel bad for Joe Biden’s mom…

-“Bloody their nose so you can walk down the street next day” (advocating violence again?  McCain should pump up his security)

-“Everyone is your equal and everyone is equal to you” (verbiage attack!)

-I FEEL YOUR PAINNNNNN 

-“I can almost hear the conversation at their kitchen tables” (he’s hearing voices now…)

-FREUDIAN SLIP! “elect George…I mean…John McCain” (or Barack America)

-“I believe the measure of man is not the road he travels, but the choice he makes along that road” (sounds like a lifted quote)

-“Work is more of a paycheck.  It’s dignity.  It’s respect.” (then why do liberals dislike capitalism?)

-Listening to Biden, it’s almost like Obama has already been President…

-Platitudes, platitudes

-“I watched how Barack touched people” (oh, do tell…)

-“John McCain is my friend.  We’ve traveled the world together.” (so support him)

-“John has voted with President Bush 95%, and that is very hard to believe” (I didn’t know Bush was a Senator…)

-“That’s not change…that’s the same!” (Sounds like a Ronco informercial…where’s the rotisserie?)

-“When the Iraqis have a surplus of nearly $80 billion dollars” (apparently…that’s not a good thing?)

-“These times require more than a good soldier.  They require a wise leader.” (isn’t that what a good soldier is?)

-“Freeness from the grip of foreign oil” (Freness 2008 = Strategery 2000)

-“That’s the change we need”

-“He’ll never ever give up until we get equal pay for women!” (well…he only has 4 years…good luck!)

-“With Russia challenging the freedom of the newly independent country of Georgia”, “We will help Georgia rebuild” (somewhere, in Moscow, Putinedvedev is laughing it’s head off)

-Melissa Etheridge frowns at Biden talking about a resurgence in al-Qaeda and the Taliban

-“Should we trust John McCain’s judgment?” (more than Obama, hopefully)

-“On the most important national security issues of our time, John McCain was wrong and Barack Obama was proven right” (Obama took a position on something?  Guess I missed it.)

-Cites Lincoln, FDR, JFK as asking us to change (all three rolling around in their graves)

-“This is Obama’s time, this is America’s time!” (but is it Barack America’s time?)

**END**

-Biden’s wife: “and honey, tonight, we have a very special surprise guest” Joe: “Who?”

-OMGWTFAHHHLOLZZZ ITS OBAMAAAAAAAAAAA

-“I want everybody to now understand why I have Joe Biden, and Jill Biden, and Beau Biden, and Mama Biden” on stage

-“Michelle Obama kicked it off pretty well!”

-“If I’m not mistaken…Hillary Clinton rocked the house last night” (Hillary mouths thank you…or was it f— you?)

-“President Clinton reminds us of what it’s like to have a President that puts people first.” (or attractive young interns…)

-“Change in America doesn’t start from the Top Up…Top Down” (bottom up…bottom down…well…Change starts somewhere!)

-“I look forward to seeing you there” (see you there, Barac-rates!)

**END** (for realz)

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